It’s good to be Donald Trump. It’s great to have achieved much in life and yet hunger for more. However, it’s not a good feeling losing to a woman in a presidential election. (Yeah, Trump will lose. His fight is now about how to lose in a less derogatory way. But the pain of a billionaire failing to win against a woman baffles the macho African man).
Many guys out there would sell their lungs, kidneys and balls to live like Donald Trump however none would sell their even a hair strand to lose against a woman…in anything, except chess with Phionah Muteesi on the other side of the chessboard.
However, there is something about Trump that can help guys out there get those babes. The models at beauty pageant, the flight attendant (Ahem! Please read the woman in the taxi), your boss, name it. Whatever your desire, Donald Trump might lose against a woman but surely you can win over women’s hearts the Donald way. It’s a win-win situation.
Here are the tips.
1. YOUR CARING LOVER IS A CROOK.
Look straight in her face and label her lover a crook. The greatest crook ever. Let her know that for the last eight or more years, he has been a crook. Tell her how he urinated on himself while in primary school. Tell her he had a bed wetting problem while in high school and we would claim the roof leaked in a dry season. Tell her how he failed to vibe the ugliest babe in the school. Remind her that he never ever means what he says. He is a crook! A pathetic liar.
2. I WILL MAKE YOUR ASS GREAT AGAIN.
Yes, my world will revolve around you! I will make you great again. The greatness you had as a young baby with brilliant dreams of a bright future. I will buy the latest gadget. Take you to Jazz Safari and celebrate your birthday every weekend. I repair your economy and you shall run short of data, airtime, make up or a wig. You shall be adored.
3. LEAK! LEAK!
In typical Russian style, hack into the lover’s whatsapp messages and share with world those messages he shared with a certain side chic. Share those Facebook inbox messages. Contact a lazy blogger in this dusty city, he will upload in less than a minute. He will break the news and more importantly, the relationship.
4. DON’T BELIEVE THE MEDIA
The media will inform you that you are broke, struggling, and unemployed but don’t believe in that. The media is a huge bunch of rigged system. They can’t tell you anything truthful about you. Don’t believe the media when shoes worth 700K are advertised. It’s a lie. Nobody wears such shoes. Create your own bubble of reality and make it a point she believes in you.
5. DON’T GIVE UP
Everybody may tell you how you are not going to win her heart but don’t give up. Even if she slaps you with facts about your reality, don’t give in, don’t give up.
6. BUILD HER “WALL”
Make her feel protected. Build a wall round her ass by holding her hands in public. Hug her in public. If somebody is coming close to her in public, pick a stick and draw a line in the sand. That boundary must be respected at all costs. Defend her with all weapons of mass-destruction you are endowed with. Use them! Whats the point of having pangas, hoes, slashers and never using them? Use them!
7. BEFRIEND HER EXES
Befriend her former allies, groupies, exes, wing men and high school mates. Dig as much information as possible and where possible check through their mails…yeah. Take a screen shot and get yourself a copy then leak. Leak. Leak. Interfere in her current relationship.
8. MAKE YOU FEEL GREAT AGAIN
Give the orgasm she deserves.
9. GRAB ASS
Grab an ass here and there and your reputation will grow. In the back of her mind, she will be thinking what your mischievous hands could do to hers in case you gave you the chance.
9. TALK WITHOUT THINKING.
Just babble. Think after. Not be overly intellectual. That way, you will keep her interested in your petty talk and that’s what keeps ringing in her mind.
10. PROMISE BIG
You don’t need to furnish her with your strategy or statistics. Tell her, ”You see for the last ten years, I have been asking myself. In fact, people have been asking me. Veterans have been asking me. Young people have been asking me. College graduates have been asking me. They have been asking me to ask you. What will you with the 500K I will give you next week. Blacks have been asking me. And I am now asking you to ask me what you want to ask me about the people who have asking me to ask about you. It’s all crooked. I will make you great again. I will repair every aspect of your life. God bless me.
Disclaimer: You are liable for any damage this message may cause to your life, career, feelings or family. The views expressed here are neither of the writer nor this website. They are solely the thoughts of “thoughts”. Go figure